Dear Diary...

I hate journaling. 

Hate.  It. 

I tell my students all the time that I would fail language arts as a student today because they have to journal all the time.  I guess I'd probably just make up stories or something to fill the space because my innate need to make straight A's would take over, but I definitely wouldn't take it seriously.  

I bring this up because I have started a journal.  Allow me to explain... 

I mentioned last week that I had broken out in hives.  This isn't a first time allergic reaction.  Last summer I had hives show up on my stomach one day.  A few more the next day.  Then BOOM!  Day three I woke up and it looked like I had gotten chicken pox all over again.  Three different doctors couldn't figure out what had caused them, but they all agreed it was an allergic reaction to something and that it was most likely something I ate/drank/medicine I took as opposed to something my skin came into contact with.  

After a week of medicine and discomfort, the bumps were gone and stayed away for months.  Then Easter Sunday I woke up with more hives on my neck.  That was especially fun.  Marks all over your neck are great as a middle school teacher in April when it's too hot (not to mention insanely uncomfortable) to cover them up with a turtleneck or some kind of collared shirt.  After a few days of benadryl and cortisone cream, the hives were gone but the itching remained.  The next Monday I woke up with the craziest red splotch on my neck.  It turns out I had scratched my neck so much in my sleep that it bruised the skin.  Let me repeat: I teach twelve year olds for a living.  I realized quickly that I would need to come up with an entertaining explanation to get my students to quit asking questions, so I decided to tell them all that I fought an alligator.  By this point in the year, most of my kids were used to my sarcasm and knew to just quit asking.  A few, however, bought it completely.  One in particular was a girl who had collaborated with me in various pranks and hijinks and should have known better.  We had the following exchange - 

Student: "What happened to you?!" 

Me:  "Oh.  I fought an alligator." 

Student:  "Huh?"

Me:  "Yeah, I went to Louisiana this weekend." 

Student:  "Ohhhhhhhhh.  Okay.  Wow, were you on a boat or something?"

Me:  "Well, I was at first.  But then I got out of the boat, and that proved to be a poor decision on my part." 

Student:  "Oh man, that's crazy!  Well, I hope you feel better!" 

That conversation pretty much sums up what I love about my job.  

Back to the reason for this blog, though.  I've had a few smaller reactions since Easter, and then a big one again last week.  I still have zero clue what is causing it.  I returned to my allergist who gave me some medicine to calm the hives, but he reiterated that I probably wouldn't figure out the cause.  That wasn't quite good enough for me.  

While I was sitting around throwing a pity party for myself and my lack of complete and utter contentment, I kept reading posts on facebook about this thing called Whole 30.  I looked it up and discovered that it's a diet, similar to paleo, that strives to kind of reset your body.  For thirty days, you don't consume sugar, grains, legumes, dairy, or alcohol of any kind.  Instead you eat a lot of meat and vegetables, along with some fruit.  Initially, I was intrigued but didn't consider it as something I'd want to try.  As I kept reading, though, the developers described how this thirty day reset allows people to find the causes for a lot of ailments, including food allergies or sensitivities.  I decided it was worth a shot and bought the book.  

Then I learned that artificial sweeteners are out as well.  No diet coke?!  I'm supposed to give up everything tasty in the world AND not consume enough caffeine to function?  Yikes.  

Friends, I'm trying it anyway.  Today is Day 1.  Last night I went to Whole Foods to stock up on food for the next few days.  Armed with ingredient lists from a few recipes, I perused the produce section.  I managed to track down ingredients I had previously never heard of - garam masala, anyone?  Check out the bounty of goodness I brought home!

It's hard to whine about no diet coke or splenda when I have this to anticipate. 

I also recently bought an actual salad bowl (you know, so I don't have to serve salad in a metal mixing bowl).  

It's just begging for something crisp and delicious to fill it.  Is it strange that I feel like purchasing a salad bowl is more a sign of adulthood than purchasing a house?  Because I do.  

For those of you unfamiliar with Whole Foods or the general crunchiness of Texas hippies, allow me to share the reading material available in the check out aisles here: 

Raising chickens has become pretty popular in Austin recently, and now it's garnered enough of a following to warrant its own magazine.  Crunchy does not mean unfriendly, though.  When ringing up the mangoes, my cashier asked if I had tried the mango-nectarine hybrid fruit.  (Yep, we're so green that even our fruit exists in hybrid form.)  I confessed that I wasn't sure I had ever even tasted a plain nectarine.  He immediately sent one of the baggers to pick out a ripe nectarine for me to take home, on the house.  

It was scrumptious.  (And I now think that I may have had a nectarine or two in my life prior to last night.  No more than that, though.)

Okay, so a month of super healthy eating might not seem terrible.  Here's the hard part.  

I have to record it allllllllll.  

Technically this is not part of the outlined plan, but if the entire purpose is to figure out what's causing my body to go haywire, I need to keep track of what I eat and any reactions that occur.  Ugh.  Continuing my reign as Least Introspective Human Alive, I am not naturally inclined to think about my day/life/relationships/whatever and how the various elements affect me.  

In order to make this more enjoyable (and hopefully more motivating), I bought a cute notebook to keep track of everything.  Brand new school supplies have always energized me for new projects.  

Here is an example of today's entry - I list each meal and what I eat/drink at the top.  At the bottom I will list any vitamins or medications that I take and when.  At some point during the day, I aim to jot down any notes of my energy levels, hunger/fullness, and any other strange side effects I experience. 

To save me from listing every ingredient I consume throughout each day, I only write the name of a recipe in the meal log, and I started a separate section in the back of the notebook for ingredients found in each recipe.  Here are the two I've eaten so far today: 

So far, the day has gone pretty smoothly.  I enjoyed the chicken and apple hash for breakfast, and was decently full until lunchtime.  Because dairy is off-limits, I added coconut milk to my coffee this morning (and afternoon).  It's the recommended substitute on the plan.  It doesn't make the coffee especially sweet, but it does lesson the bitterness of black coffee enough for me to stand it. 

I anticipate that time will be the biggest hurdle.  Without fail, I always take at least 4 times the listed amount of time to prepare a recipe.  Lunch today was supposed to take 15 minutes.  It took me 90.  Unless that 90 minutes was determined by dividing it up over the 4 servings I prepared, I am in for a long haul.  The meal was delicious, though, and extremely filing.  And aside from some perspiration (standing over the stove in the middle of the afternoon is not recommended) and two broken nails from the vegetable peeler, day one is thus far successful! 

I will continue to let you know how I feel over the next thirty days.  The website makes very bold claims of how incredibly different people feel after a month of cleaner eating.  I have no doubt that I will hit some bumpy days along the road though.  

On a complete side note: you may have noticed two changes.  1)  I think I have it set now so anyone can comment without logging in to an email account or anything.  Let me know if it isn't working for you.  2)  There are now ads on the side of my blog.  Sorry.  I know, I'm a sellout or whatever.  But hey, just remember that any minute income from those ads goes directly toward the supplies necessary for me to have future blog material.  And toward a sharper vegetable peeler.